Harry Potter According To Zane (edition 2)

What is Quidditch?
This is hard. It’s like an interview. So stressful. It’s the game where people fly around and try and catch the magic ball. Obviously. They fly around on the magic brooms. I think there’s like goalposts. The point of Quidditch is the catch the magic ball and then kick it through the uprights. So there’s that.
Who is Lord Voldemort?
He’s a dude with no nose. And he’s super pale. And he’s bad. I don’t know. He’s a shady figure. I think he tries to kill Harry? So there’s that.
Why don’t Lord Voldemort and Harry Potter get along?
Harry is super judgmental and he doesn’t like the fact that Voldemort has no nose. So, yeah. So there’s that. Harry’s kind of a bully.
Name some important wizards.
There’s the one dude with the one eye that’s like mechanical. Someone… crazy eye, or mad eye. We should talk about the flying hippo-things? They’re a beautiful creature. So, the flying hippos… they’re just a majestic being.
What are Horcruxes?
Hor-crux-what? Horcruxes? They are an essential part of Voldemort’s life. Because if he didn’t keep doing this hor-cruk-whatever (I just said whore), if he didn’t keep doing that stuff, Harry would eventually kill him. With a spell or whatever. Harry’s a shady dude. They’re both kinda shady. Like two gangsters in downtown Seattle.

Zane: I just want to say thanks to my fans. Sorry the second edition took so long. Sweet.


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